157/365

Relay day and more laughter. Fish finger buttie this evening with Ceryn downed with two enormous cups of tea.

156/365

Sunday. Sabbath. The day of rememberance. Sitting in the garden this morning, walking with my Dad at lunchtime, chatting about everything and anything, chilled times in front of the West Wing, talking on the phone, sobbing through "The Lord's my Shepherd" in church, a God who steps in and softens my stupid heart, cups of tea and reassuring chats with my brother and the prospect of being tucked up in bed by 10pm.

155/365

Saturday afternoon in my parents house, sitting in my old room with a friend musing on life, the sound from downstairs of the football results coming in. Something about the football results in the background is the defining moment on a Saturday afternoon, the memories they evoke, the comfort of hearing them, the memories launched, all these things make me feel safe and at home.

154/365

The utter cuteness of my Brother and Roz tonight. Much fun in a country pub chilling out on a Friday evening. Beautiful.

153/365

152/365

Waking up to a clear head. There is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Bringing people to the throne of grace, attempting to believe what I tell others and space for my head this evening. Oh and the tunnel my Dad has been working on for 17 years is going to be built. That makes me happy. 17 years is a long long time...

151/365

A horrible day, and yet. Watching some tv, lying on the sofa. Msn chats with lots of people reminding me of who God is and that He loves me. Texts expressing care and concern and awareness of the fight, a lovely housemate to watch films with and buy white chocolate and rasberry cheesecake for me and a God who loves me anyway.

150/365

149/365

"And I want to thank you now for being patient with me,
Oh it's so hard to see, when my eyes are on me.
I guess I'd better trust, and just believe what you said,
You're coming again, coming to take me away."
(Keith Green)

148/365

Choccywoccydoodahs. And yes, that is it's real name. Click for chocolate goodness. A beautiful place with the most enormous pieces of cake you have ever seen. Cake. Mmm. So big that they provide takeaway boxes that you generally put more in than you eat in the cafe. And, if you have time for more delight in the details, this moment right now, an autumnal Saturday afternoon, darkened sky, rain outside, a warm and cozy house and a whole other day off tomorrow. Bliss.

147/365

Sitting with Toni and Eric Coulton and Steph B, eating a delightful lunch chatting about life, work and God. The moments when our eyes filled up with tears as we collectively remembered how it is that God really works, in the long term, slow process of change in individuals lives, through weak and foolish people who have a weak and foolish message. This is all I ever wanted to tell people, sign up for and give my life over to. To the God who is in charge of this crazy world, the God who loves stupid people like you and me. The God who redeems, transforms and patiently crafts.

146/365

Spontaneous trip to London for early preview (I know preview kind of means early, but the film isn't out until 7th of March, so that's kind of early even for a preview) of a film that the wonderful Anna blagged me into. Nice one. She also paid for dinner and we enjoyed many of those, "are you me?" moments, glad to not have to explain everything to someone, but just to sigh and enjoy the fact that we are flawed in so many similar ways.

The more aesthetic side of me would also like to mention the ridiculously beautiful beach this morning, massive green and white waves smashing on the shore, big huge clouds in the sky and a sunrise glowing out of them turning everything a slightly hazy golden.

145/365 "She bangs the drums."

If tuesday's 365's are all about supervision then the wonders of Thursday shall ever more be drumming class. (and I know it's wednesday but the night changed this week). Sigh. Drumming made me happy. I learnt new rhythms, and although I got some stuff wrong, and it's really hard to concentrate and not mess up, I came home with a big fat smile on my face. I drummed my grumpy bad day into oblivion. Woop Woo. Hehe.

144/365

Amusing, highly entertaining times on a freshers stall with the lovely Jess, rambling tired gibbering at Ceryn this afternoon. Silly giberish with my brother and entertaining texts from Steph and Gareth.

143/365

Team work with Jess and Ceryn, we're, like, a team. I like. (What I like less is the ammount of laughter aimed at me, but these things we must put up with for the sake of the work etc...:-) Sussex CU meeting tonight, getting to encourage and be encouraged, "just you being here is an encouragement", the timing being important on that comment, after I'd spent a few moments questioning the point of me being here at all, nice one.

142/365

"And the heart of the eternal
Is most wonderfully kind."
Eternal mercy and kindness reducing me to tears in the service this morning. Sitting in the sunshine reading. Baking cakes and scones. Catch up chats with my housemate. Steph arriving and getting to be her friendly face smiling at her as she talked to some youff. Playing music. Awareness of the transforming power at work within us.

141/365

A lazy Saturday, parental visit, eating smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, hugs from my Mum, pottering on the beach, sitting eating cake in a tea shop and gentle musings on life.

140/365

Chatting and praying with the lovely Lou, walking out in the crazy May like sunshine along roads with beautiful views over the downs, sitting in the sunshine on the beach attempting to work out what Hebrews 4 is really all about, my car costing SO much less than I thought it would to get serviced, sitting and laughing A LOT with Lizzi and Cathy tonight over wine, no work for two days and a warm bed to slump into tonight.

139/365

Just been to my first African Drumming class (small dance). And although I don't sound like this yet, it was a cool start to get to know my drum and get into hitting things djembe style instead of Bongo stylee. Now I want to hit things rhythmically all over our house. I love the way rhythm drowns out everything else in the brain, no thoughts, no randomness just me and a beat. Sigh.

138/365

This from an msn chat with Roz:
Roz: "so we keep taking it one day at a time, keep feasting on His word to keep the heart beating and keep believing that the gospel is true."
One step at a time, trusting in the unseen, trusting that He is our fighter we walk on home. Glad for the company on the journey.

137/365

Honest chats with Jess and Ceryn, getting to the root of things, starting the revolution to be honest and real in how we talk about how we are.

136/365

"I'm not going to let stuff get me upset,
and i wont let all the little things get me depressed.
when i was a young boy i got a stereo
and i taped all the songs straight off the radio.
the sounds that the bands made,
and the melodies is all i need to make me feel free.
sometimes you get so low,
you don't know why, or a little upset all inside.
May i remind you? that you don't live in poverty,
you got your youth, and you got food in your belly.

I can get a record player, and a generator.
Generate the music that makes you feel better.
I can get a record player, and a generator.
Generate the music that makes you feel better."

135/365

Communion at church. The moment of realisation once again (remind you of a song?) that God broke himself at the Cross, that the Trinity was wrenched apart one dark afternoon so you and I could stand forever in the gaze of love of the Maker. The One whose nature is always to have mercy and before whom I have nothing to offer. All I do is receive. All I do is bring my broken life and He is delighted as I do so because that is all He ever wanted.

"My God knows my failures
Speaks forgiveness
Gives me strength to try again
My God takes the broken
And makes me whole."
(S.Townend)

134/365

The overwhelming generosity of my friends and family post my bag being stolen this morning. Quality chats with my Dad in the car on the way to and from home this evening, good times with Sarah and Anna, having to just recieve love and grace from them, getting to hug my Mum and getting to the end of the day feeling better off than when I'd started. (albeit a little frustrated at the lack of being able to text, get money out of the bank or consult my diary on anything.)

133/365

This evening. Figuring out it's the freakin weekend baby and we should have us some fun. Walking up to a mates house up the road, trying to figure out some fun, no films to watch, no scrabble to play, but ah, some drinking games. Playing random drinking games in a half furnished house (said mate has just moved). Giving up on the games and walking back to ours with wine in wine glasses, singing Christmas carols, then watching the first episode of Hustle with wine and chocolate. Drifting off in front of Jonathan Ross. It's the freakin weekend baby.

132/365

The amusement of thinking exactly the same thoughts as Ceryn and then doing something about it... See main blog for more details. Hehe. The best e-mail from Gareth which made me laugh and grin with glee. Reading Ephesians 1 and being wowed by belonging to God. Singing so loudly on the way home my voice is going.

131/365

Standing on my back steps staring at the moon, watching a massive thundercloud in the distance, occasionally the cloud lit up in pink light, presumably lightning within itself. Letting the cool of the evening wrap around me and listening to the sounds of a neighbourhood settling down to dinner.

130/365

Another day with the lovely Jess and Ceryn. Also the wonders of Nay and Jon Dawson, happy that friendship exists beyond the confines of work and delighted to go to a cook your own food restaurant. I'm sure there's something wrong with that but it worked very well.

129/365

Insane big swirly rain.

128/365

This on our news sheet at church: After the first hymn - Reception of the harvest gits. (images of old gits wandering up to the front of church float through my mind)

Chatting to my brother this evening and reading out cool quotes to each other, reminding each other that we are being redeemed, that God never gives up on us and that is a Good Thing.

Our vicar tonight saying in his sermon: "God likes you".